A Personal Reflective Essay on Confidence

A Personal Reflective Essay on Confidence

The hushed silence came as the music died away and the clapping faded into a distant echo and for a split second there was complete silence, the silence which used to terrify me as child, the silence which would make me want the ground to open up and swallow me whole. But now, I took this moment to allow the nerves to float away and the confident smile to lift my head. Just in time before the music blasted into every corner of the theatre and as the lights lifted to reveal the proud faces of mothers, fathers, grandparents, aunts and uncles all smiling and even giving the odd embarrassing two handed thumbs up. Our cue came and we burst into motion, hitting the positions and actions we had practised for months in preparation for this one night. As the lights beamed on my red hot face I watched the tiny camera peaking out just above the sea of heads and that is where I focused the biggest and greatest smile I could master. Through the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of the next act watching on with the same nervous face which had consumed me minutes earlier. That face of panic as you replayed your dance in your head because of the fear that you would forget it on stage. All that was now gone, as the happiness of being onstage with the friends who now seemed a bit more like family overtook the shy little girl inside of me who used feared that she wasn’t good enough to be on stage. This was the feeling which I danced for, the complete delight at being on stage with your friends just having fun doing what we like to do. As the lights faded, the music died away and the darkness set in an all mighty roar erupted from the audience. My heart pounded as I took the many deep breaths needed to recover and my face flamed red hot as we all silently walked off stage. I was proud of my team we had done it. After the excitement died down, the hugs finished and the bright red faces return to normal we left the theatre to face the biggest critics of all, our parents. I had nothing to worry about though what my mum said to me is something I’ll never forget. She told me that it was the best she had ever seen me dance just because of my smile. She said that it was the first time she had seen me smile the whole way through looking confident and comfortable on stage. This was the moment I realised that because of dancing I was more confident in myself; I enjoyed getting out there on stage with my friends even for just three minutes.

Just thinking back my Mom used to have to drag me kicking and screaming into a dance class just because that little girl used to be scared that she wasn’t good enough, she didn’t know anyone, she wouldn’t fit in and she didn’t know what people would think of her. But, going from the insecure wallflower who faded into the background all those years ago into the person I’m now is the world of a difference. My confidence grew and is still growing because of dancing; I made some of the best friends who I now call my team and I know that I’m not the most brilliant dancer but I know that I have strengths and weaknesses.

However, confidence affects us all in most obvious of places, high school. Confidence plays a major part in high school life the dog eat dog nature takes over and slots you into the group of friends you have and what your other classmates think of you all because of your confidence and personality. We all remember the popular class clown who appeared the most confident of people, they could shout out during class take on a teacher but not show a speak of embarrassment afterwards. Yet when the dreaded words solo talk came up they would crumble becoming even louder in their determination to get out of speaking infront of their class for three minutes. Which makes me think are people actually confident or do they use confidence to hide their insecurities?

People sometimes appear to be confident but when placed outside of their comfort zone their biggest insecurities are revealed. My confidence may not be overflowing when I’m at school but when asked to do a solo talk I know that I can speak infront of my class without falling to pieces. I have learned that I would much rather by quietly confident in my-self rather than to be loudly confident but just on the outside. For some people confidence comes naturally and for others confidence is shaped by their upbringing, their experiences or other reasons. I feel my own self-confidence came when I made friends at my dancing and I learned to accept the fact that I good at something’s but I had a weakness in others.
Confidence isn’t about what other people think about you, confidence is about what you think of yourself. I’ve travelled a long way from the little girl who used to feel insecure and doubt herself most of the time because of what she thought people would think about her. But, I now know that as long as I’m happy in my own skin that’s all that matters.